I Hereby Resolve?
Most folks pick the first part of the year to make resolutions -- short-lived pacts with themselves about self-improvement, usually revolving around dietary discipline or exercise regimens requiring perspiration. Frankly, I don't know where they find the time.
In January my writing hand is still too cramped from all those Christmas cards I signed and thank you notes I wrote in December to be of any use at all. Besides, the memories of yuletide gastronomic excesses and other failures in moderation are still too fresh in my mind for me to attempt any serious improvement.
February is about the time all the January resolutions are broken. "Well, I lasted a month," people say, as if that were quite an achievement. It seems hardly sporting for me to try to duplicate their feat during the shortest month of the year.
I am sorry. I respectfully refuse to make resolutions in any month whose name sounds like a military command, SIR! Yes SIR! I concede that March owes its name to the mythological god of war, and that dieting can be war, but, SIR, I will burn my meal ticket before I knuckle under to any new attempts at discipline this month.
April? Come on! Lent is over, the Easter Bunny is about to visit . . . and we have a weakness for chocolate bunnies here at Clear Creek Ranch.
Springtime is in full bloom in May. A time of rebirth. A time to smell the roses, and the coffee . . . and shouldn't we stop by that new bakery in town and sample one of each? We need our strength to dance around the May Pole.
For sixteen of my summers, school let out in June. That month has always signified freedom, cutting loose, a time to unwind. Hardly a time to begin disciplining myself.
Independence Day falls in July -- beer and hot dogs (tofu pups now). Four days into the month and I'd be off my diet. It is also the month for vacations, travel, schedule disruptions, fast food on the run, and quaint gourmet restaurants that really depend on our tourist business to survive.
August is county fair month where I live, and I attend all five days. I need that much time to work my way through all the service club-sponsored food booths. I'm very public spirited.
School starts in September -- new school clothes, new teachers, new pencils (update that to floppy disks or whatever kids get now). This would seem to be the ideal month to make resolutions and start anew. But I must be a contrarian, I really hate to be one of the crowd.
And what use is it to start a diet in October? It's the only month of the year guaranteed to end with heaps of candy and sweets all over the house.
November is even worse. There is a traditional government-sponsored gastronomic booby-trap programmed into the fourth Thursday of this month. And then there is the added stress of last minute Christmas shopping.
Obviously December is too late in the year to begin a personal reform movement. Santa needs a longer pattern of good behavior than the three and one-half weeks I have until Christmas. Besides, there is that office party we have to go to. And it wouldn't be polite not to eat, especially after all the trouble someone went to.
Maybe next year . . .
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Fair weather approaches
[This is an old one. Early to mid 1990s. Read it as the historical artifact that it is. It was published on opening day of the Nevada County Fair, the first year the newspaper handed out free copies to everyone at the main gates. The next day the publisher called to let me know he, and dozens of county fair patrons didn't share my point of view.]
Everyone in my neck of the woods has been talking about the county fair for months. It is the social event of the year for many of my neighbors. I like the fair too. In fact it would be perfect if I could avoid a sunburned nose and the parking lot dust -- and a couple of other things.
Last year I followed my sunscreened but otherwise functional nose to the area where the livestock was kept before it was auctioned off and became deadstock. I got to witness an event called Musical Pigs sponsored by one of the local Multiple-Letter Club.
This competition was patterned after the children's game, musical chairs, except a pig was removed after each round instead of a chair. No one actually sat on a pig, of course, and no pigs were permitted to sit. Disoriented, squealing, 200-pound pigs were herded into the arena and the Multiple-Letter kids "helped" them to run around.
I am no swine expert, but from what I saw it seems that most pigs do not run of their own free will. The average pig must be coaxed into a trot by pounding on its rump with a balled fist or with a heavy wooden cane, or by grabbing its ears and twisting as hard as possible. Many of the pigs had long welts and cuts on their shoulders and rumps -- either from the kids' encouragements, or from other anxious pigs when they were jammed into the smaller holding pens. Many of the handlers used the curved end of the cane to hook an animal's snout, often jabbing the pig's eye in the process.
The music was blaring hard-rock-blues, and the lyrics delved into such swine-related topics as "Let Me Be Your Hog", "Bad To The Bone", and a little ditty about a pig falling off a truck. When all but one of the pigs had been removed from the arena, the two remaining human contestants had a foot race across the arena to see who could tag (read: club) the animal first with a cane.
This contest went on for several rounds including an adult division where most of the human contestants far outweighed the pigs, and waddled around looking like they were the ones who had been fattened up for market. Grand prize: one box of fudge (to the human entrant, of course). The porcine contestants were herded back to their stalls to await the Sunday slave auction.
The pudgy crowd of spectators squealed with delight throughout, and the Multiple-Letter Club children learned something valuable about animal husbandry -- or did they? I mean, I was taught not to play with my food. Never thought to beat it up!
Equally remarkable, although I missed it myself, was the rodeo. I can't believe there are really that many working cowpersons left. The rodeo circuit acts like a government subsidy to keep this "endangered species" alive and kicking. The one animal who won't be kicking anymore is a little barrel-racing pony who snapped a leg bone while performing before a sell-out crowd. Permanently "retired."
I wisely wore earplugs for the Logger's Olympics where the revving nitro-powered chainsaws were louder than the starting line at a drag race. Some of these gigantic chainsaw engines were big enough to power a small car. The chainbars were as big as ironing boards. Contestants performed such useful tasks as scaling a telephone poll to ring a little bell on top, slicing a hundred-year-old tree into wafer-thin disks, wacking logs into a pile of wood chips, and throwing battle axes at beer cans. The crowd roared its approval each time a contestant connected and drew foam.
Which leads me to my personal favorite fair-time activity: sitting in the shade in sweltering heat with a carbonated refreshment in one hand watching the fashion show parade by. The subtle engineering that goes into summer clothing ventilation and moisture evaporation technology is truly amazing, as is the mind-boggling variety and placement of tan lines and body tattoos.
Every year I am fairly impressed.
Everyone in my neck of the woods has been talking about the county fair for months. It is the social event of the year for many of my neighbors. I like the fair too. In fact it would be perfect if I could avoid a sunburned nose and the parking lot dust -- and a couple of other things.
Last year I followed my sunscreened but otherwise functional nose to the area where the livestock was kept before it was auctioned off and became deadstock. I got to witness an event called Musical Pigs sponsored by one of the local Multiple-Letter Club.
This competition was patterned after the children's game, musical chairs, except a pig was removed after each round instead of a chair. No one actually sat on a pig, of course, and no pigs were permitted to sit. Disoriented, squealing, 200-pound pigs were herded into the arena and the Multiple-Letter kids "helped" them to run around.
I am no swine expert, but from what I saw it seems that most pigs do not run of their own free will. The average pig must be coaxed into a trot by pounding on its rump with a balled fist or with a heavy wooden cane, or by grabbing its ears and twisting as hard as possible. Many of the pigs had long welts and cuts on their shoulders and rumps -- either from the kids' encouragements, or from other anxious pigs when they were jammed into the smaller holding pens. Many of the handlers used the curved end of the cane to hook an animal's snout, often jabbing the pig's eye in the process.
The music was blaring hard-rock-blues, and the lyrics delved into such swine-related topics as "Let Me Be Your Hog", "Bad To The Bone", and a little ditty about a pig falling off a truck. When all but one of the pigs had been removed from the arena, the two remaining human contestants had a foot race across the arena to see who could tag (read: club) the animal first with a cane.
This contest went on for several rounds including an adult division where most of the human contestants far outweighed the pigs, and waddled around looking like they were the ones who had been fattened up for market. Grand prize: one box of fudge (to the human entrant, of course). The porcine contestants were herded back to their stalls to await the Sunday slave auction.
The pudgy crowd of spectators squealed with delight throughout, and the Multiple-Letter Club children learned something valuable about animal husbandry -- or did they? I mean, I was taught not to play with my food. Never thought to beat it up!
Equally remarkable, although I missed it myself, was the rodeo. I can't believe there are really that many working cowpersons left. The rodeo circuit acts like a government subsidy to keep this "endangered species" alive and kicking. The one animal who won't be kicking anymore is a little barrel-racing pony who snapped a leg bone while performing before a sell-out crowd. Permanently "retired."
I wisely wore earplugs for the Logger's Olympics where the revving nitro-powered chainsaws were louder than the starting line at a drag race. Some of these gigantic chainsaw engines were big enough to power a small car. The chainbars were as big as ironing boards. Contestants performed such useful tasks as scaling a telephone poll to ring a little bell on top, slicing a hundred-year-old tree into wafer-thin disks, wacking logs into a pile of wood chips, and throwing battle axes at beer cans. The crowd roared its approval each time a contestant connected and drew foam.
Which leads me to my personal favorite fair-time activity: sitting in the shade in sweltering heat with a carbonated refreshment in one hand watching the fashion show parade by. The subtle engineering that goes into summer clothing ventilation and moisture evaporation technology is truly amazing, as is the mind-boggling variety and placement of tan lines and body tattoos.
Every year I am fairly impressed.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Boomer Era Western TV Shows
1947 1960 Howdy Doody / Buffalo Bob Smith
1949 1951 Cyclone Malone / Ross Jones
1949 1957 Lone Ranger / Clayton Moore, Jay Silverheels, John Hart
1950 1956 Cisco Kid / Duncan Renaldo, Leo Carrillo
1950 1955 Gene Autry / Gene Autry, Champion
1950 1950 Marshall of Gunsight Pass / Eddie Dean
1951 1955 Kit Carson / Bill Williams, Don Diamond
1951 1953 Range Rider / Jock Mahoney, Dickie Jones
1951 1956 Red Ryder / Allan Lane, Louis Lettieri
1951 1957 Roy Rogers / Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, Pat Brady, Trigger, Bullet
1951 1962 Sky King / Kirby Grant, Gloria Winters
1951 1958 Wild Bill Hickock / Guy Madison, Andy Devine
1952 1952 Cowboy G-Men / Russell Hayden, Jackie Coogan
1952 1975 Death Valley Days / Stanley Andrews, Robert Taylor
1952 1954 Hopalong Cassidy / William Boyd, Topper, Edgar Buchanan, Andy Clyde
1953 1953 Action in the Afternoon / Jack Valentine
1954 1957 Annie Oakley / Gail Davis
1954 1959 Rin Tin Tin / Rin Tin Tin, Lee Aaker, James Brown, Joe Sawyer
1955 1956 Adventures of Champion / Gene Autry's Champion
1955 1956 Brave Eagle / Keith Larsen
1955 1956 Buffalo Bill, Jr / Dickie Jones, Nancy Gilbert
1955 1963 Cheyenne / Clint Walker
1955 1956 Davy Crockett / Fess Parker, Buddy Ebsen
1955 1956 Frontier / Walter Coy
1955 1960 Fury / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
1955 1975 Gunsmoke /James Arness, Milburn Stone, Amanda Blake, Dennis Weaver, Ken Curtis
1955 1958 Sergeant Preston of the Yukon / Dick Simmons, Yukon King
1955 1955 Spin and Marty / Tim Considine, David Stollery
1955 1956 Steve Donovan, Western Marshall / Douglas Kennedy, Eddy Waller
1955 1959 Tales of the Texas Rangers / Willard Parker, Harry Lauter
1955 1961 Wyatt Earp / Hugh O'Brian
1956 1960 Broken Arrow / John Lupton, Michael Ansara
1956 1958 Circus Boy / Micky Dolenz, Noah Beery Jr
1956 1958 Flicka (My Friend) / Johnny Washbrook
1956 1958 Jim Bowie / Scott Forbes
1956 1957 Judge Roy Bean / Edgar Buchanan, X Brands
1956 1958 Sheriff of Cochise / John Bromfield
1956 1961 Zane Grey Theater / Dick Powell
1957 1957 Boots and Saddles / John Pickard, Gardner McKay
1957 1959 Californians (The) / Richard Coogan
1957 1957 Casey Jones / Alan Hale Jr, Bobby Clark
1957 1960 Colt .45 / Wayde Preston
1957 1963 Have Gun, Will Travel / Richard Boone, Kam Tong
1957 1957 Hawkeye & the Last of the Mohicans / John Hart, Lon Chaney Jr
1957 1959 Man without a Gun / Rex Reason
1957 1962 Maverick / Jack Kelly, James Garner, Roger Moore
1957 1959 Restless Gun / John Payne
1957 1961 Sugarfoot / Will Hutchins
1957 1962 Tales of Wells Fargo / Dale Robertson
1957 1960 Tombstone Territory / Pat Conway, Richard Eastham
1957 1959 Trackdown / Robert Culp
1957 1959 Twenty-Six Men / Tristam Coffin, Kelo Henderson
1957 1965 Wagon Train / Ward Bond, John McIntire, Robert Horton, Frank McGrath
1957 1959 Zorro / Guy Williams, Henry Calvin
1958 1961 Bat Masterson / Gene Barry
1958 1962 Bronco / Ty Hardin
1958 1959 Buckskin / Tom Nolan, Sally Brophy
1958 1960 Cimarron City / George Montgomery, Audrey Totter
1958 1959 Frontier Doctor / Rex Allen
1958 1961 Frontier Justice / Lew Ayres, Melvyn Douglas, Ralph Bellamy
1958 1962 Lawman / John Russell, Peter Brown
1958 1959 Mackenzie's Raiders / Richard Carlson, Art Gilmore
1958 1959 Northwest Passage / Keith Larsen, Buddy Ebsen, Don Burnett
1958 1963 Rifleman (The) / Chuck Connors, Johnny Crawford, Paul Fix
1958 1959 Rough Riders / Kent Taylor, Jan Merlin, Peter Whitney
1958 1958 Union Pacific / Jeff Morrow, Judson Pratt
1958 1961 Wanted - Dead or Alive / Steve McQueen
1958 1959 Yancy Derringer / Jock Mahoney, X Brands
1959 1960 Alaskans (The) / Roger Moore, Dorothy Provine
1959 1960 Black Saddle / Peter Breck
1959 1973 Bonanza / Loren Greene, Michael Landon, Dan Blocker, Pernell Roberts, Victor Sen Yung
1959 1960 Hotel de Paree / Earl Holliman, Jeanette Nolan, Strother Martin
1959 1960 Jefferson Drum / Jeff Richards
1959 1960 Johnny Ringo / Don Durant, Mark Goddard
1959 1963 Laramie / Robert Fuller, John Smith, Spring Byington
1959 1960 Law of the Plainsman / Michael Ansara
1959 1960 Man from Blackhawk (The) / Sam Logan
1959 1959 Pony Express / Grant Sullivan, Don Dorrell
1959 1966 Rawhide / Clint Eastwood, Eric Fleming, Paul Brinegar
1959 1961 Rebel (The) / Nick Adams
1959 1961 Riverboat / Darren McGavin, Dick Wessel, Burt Reynolds
1959 1961 Shotgun Slade / Scott Brady
1959 1961 The Deputy / Henry Fonda, Allen Case
1959 1960 Wichita Town / Joel McCrea, Jody McCrea
1960 1962 Outlaws / Don Collier, Barton MacLane
1960 1960 Overland Trail / William Bendix, Doug McClure, Harry Guardino
1960 1961 Stagecoach West / Robert Bray, Wayne Rogers
1960 1962 Tall Man / Barry Sullivan, Clu Gulager
1960 1960 Two Faces West / Charles Bateman
1960 1960 Westerner (The) / Brian Keith
1960 1960 Whiplash / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
1960 1960 Wrangler / Jason Evers, Eli Boraks
1961 1962 Frontier Circus / Chill Wills, Richard Jaeckel, John Derek
1961 1961 Gunslinger / Tony Young, Preston Foster
1961 1961 Whispering Smith / Audie Murphy
1962 1964 Empire / Richard Egan, Charles Bronson, Ryan O'Neal
1962 1963 Stoney Burke / Jack Lord
1962 1971 Virginian (The) / James Drury, Doug McClure, Lee J. Cobb, Clu Gulager
1962 1963 Wide Country (The) / Earl Holliman, Andrew Prine
1963 1963 Dakotas (The) / Larry Ward, Jack Elam, Chad Everett
1963 1963 Redigo / Richard Egan, Don Diamond
1963 1964 Temple Houston / Jeffery Hunter, Jack Elam
1963 1964 Travels of Jaimie McPheeters / Kurt Russell, Dan O'Herlihy, Charles Bronson
1964 1970 Daniel Boone / Fess Parker, Ed Ames
1964 1964 Destry / John Gavin
1965 1969 Big Valley / Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Long, Lee Majors, Linda Evans
1965 1966 Branded / Chuck Connors
1965 1967 F Troop / Forrest Tucker, Ken Berry, Larry Storch
1965 1967 Laredo / Neville Brand, Peter Brown, William Smith
1965 1966 Legend of Jesse James / Allen Case, Christopher Jones
1965 1966 Loner (The) / Lloyd Bridges
1965 1966 Man Called Shenandoah (A) / Robert Horton
1965 1969 Wild Wild West / Robert Conrad, Ross Martin
1966 1968 Iron Horse / Dale Robertson
1966 1967 Monroes / Barbara Hershey, Michael Anderson, Ben Johnson
1966 1967 Pistols and Petticoats / Ann Sheridan, Gary Vinson
1966 1967 Road West / Rex Holman, Barbara Anderson
1966 1967 Rounders (The) / Ron Hayes, Patrick Wayne, Chill Wills
1966 1966 Shane / David Carridine, Jill Ireland, Tom Tully
1967 1968 Cimarron Strip / Stuart Whitman, Randy Boone
1967 1967 Custer / Wayne Maunder
1967 1967 Dundee and the Culhane / John Mills, Sean Garrison
1967 1969 Guns of Will Sonnett / Walter Brennan, Dack Rambo
1967 1971 High Chaparral / Lief Erickson, Cameron Mitchell, Henry Darrow, Linda Cristal
1967 1967 Hondo / Ralph Taeger, Noah Beery Jr
1967 1967 Rango / Tim Conway
1968 1970 Here Come the Brides / Robert Brown, Bobby Sherman, David Soul
1968 1970 Lancer / James Stacy, Wayne Maunder, Andrwe Duggan
1968 1969 Outcasts / Don Murray, Otis Young
1971 1973 Alias Smith and Jones / Ben Murphy, Peter Duel
1971 1972 Cade's County / Glenn Ford, Edgar Buchanan
1971 1972 Nichols / James Garner
1972 1974 Hec Ramsey / Richard Boone
1972 1975 Kung Fu / David Carridine, Keye Luke
1973 1973 Dusty's Trail / Bob Denver, Forrest Tucker
1974 1974 Dirty Sally / Jeanette Nolan
1974 1983 Little House on the Prairie / Michael Landon, Karen Grassle, Melissa Gilbert, Melissa Anderson
1975 1976 Barbary Coast / William Shatner, Doug McClure
1976 1976 Quest (The) / Kurt Russell, Tim Matheson, Brian Keith
1976 1976 Sara / Brenda Vaccaro, Jerry Hardin
1977 1978 Life and Times of Grizzly Adams / Dan Haggerty, Denver Pyle
1977 1977 Oregon Trail / Rod Taylor
1978 1978 Young Pioneers (The) / Linda Purl, David Beaton
1979 1980 Young Maverick / Charles Frank
1980 1980 Chisolms (The) / Robert Preston
1981 1981 Best of the West / Joel Higgins
1981 1983 Father Murphy / Merlin Olsen
1983 1983 Zorro and Son / Henry Darrow, Paul Regina
1985 1985 Wildside / William Smith, J.Eddie Peck, Meg Ryan
1989 1991 Bordertown / Richard Comar
1989 1992 Young Riders (The) / Stephen Baldwin, Josh Brolin, Anthony Zerbe
1993 1994 Adventures of Brisco County Jr / Bruce Campbell
1993 1998 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman / Jane Seymour
1993 1994 Harts of the West / Beau Bridges
1995 1995 Legend / Richard Dean Anderson
1996 1996 The Lazarus Man / Robert Urich
1998 2000 Magnificent Seven (The) / Michael Biehn, Eric Close, Ron Perlman
2001 2002 Ponderosa / Drew Powell, Matt Carmody, Daniel H.Kelly, Jared Daperis
2004 2006 Deadwood / Ian McShane
1947 1960 Howdy Doody / Buffalo Bob Smith
1949 1951 Cyclone Malone / Ross Jones
1949 1957 Lone Ranger / Clayton Moore, Jay Silverheels, John Hart
1950 1956 Cisco Kid / Duncan Renaldo, Leo Carrillo
1950 1955 Gene Autry / Gene Autry, Champion
1950 1950 Marshall of Gunsight Pass / Eddie Dean
1951 1955 Kit Carson / Bill Williams, Don Diamond
1951 1953 Range Rider / Jock Mahoney, Dickie Jones
1951 1956 Red Ryder / Allan Lane, Louis Lettieri
1951 1957 Roy Rogers / Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, Pat Brady, Trigger, Bullet
1951 1962 Sky King / Kirby Grant, Gloria Winters
1951 1958 Wild Bill Hickock / Guy Madison, Andy Devine
1952 1952 Cowboy G-Men / Russell Hayden, Jackie Coogan
1952 1975 Death Valley Days / Stanley Andrews, Robert Taylor
1952 1954 Hopalong Cassidy / William Boyd, Topper, Edgar Buchanan, Andy Clyde
1953 1953 Action in the Afternoon / Jack Valentine
1954 1957 Annie Oakley / Gail Davis
1954 1959 Rin Tin Tin / Rin Tin Tin, Lee Aaker, James Brown, Joe Sawyer
1955 1956 Adventures of Champion / Gene Autry's Champion
1955 1956 Brave Eagle / Keith Larsen
1955 1956 Buffalo Bill, Jr / Dickie Jones, Nancy Gilbert
1955 1963 Cheyenne / Clint Walker
1955 1956 Davy Crockett / Fess Parker, Buddy Ebsen
1955 1956 Frontier / Walter Coy
1955 1960 Fury / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
1955 1975 Gunsmoke /James Arness, Milburn Stone, Amanda Blake, Dennis Weaver, Ken Curtis
1955 1958 Sergeant Preston of the Yukon / Dick Simmons, Yukon King
1955 1955 Spin and Marty / Tim Considine, David Stollery
1955 1956 Steve Donovan, Western Marshall / Douglas Kennedy, Eddy Waller
1955 1959 Tales of the Texas Rangers / Willard Parker, Harry Lauter
1955 1961 Wyatt Earp / Hugh O'Brian
1956 1960 Broken Arrow / John Lupton, Michael Ansara
1956 1958 Circus Boy / Micky Dolenz, Noah Beery Jr
1956 1958 Flicka (My Friend) / Johnny Washbrook
1956 1958 Jim Bowie / Scott Forbes
1956 1957 Judge Roy Bean / Edgar Buchanan, X Brands
1956 1958 Sheriff of Cochise / John Bromfield
1956 1961 Zane Grey Theater / Dick Powell
1957 1957 Boots and Saddles / John Pickard, Gardner McKay
1957 1959 Californians (The) / Richard Coogan
1957 1957 Casey Jones / Alan Hale Jr, Bobby Clark
1957 1960 Colt .45 / Wayde Preston
1957 1963 Have Gun, Will Travel / Richard Boone, Kam Tong
1957 1957 Hawkeye & the Last of the Mohicans / John Hart, Lon Chaney Jr
1957 1959 Man without a Gun / Rex Reason
1957 1962 Maverick / Jack Kelly, James Garner, Roger Moore
1957 1959 Restless Gun / John Payne
1957 1961 Sugarfoot / Will Hutchins
1957 1962 Tales of Wells Fargo / Dale Robertson
1957 1960 Tombstone Territory / Pat Conway, Richard Eastham
1957 1959 Trackdown / Robert Culp
1957 1959 Twenty-Six Men / Tristam Coffin, Kelo Henderson
1957 1965 Wagon Train / Ward Bond, John McIntire, Robert Horton, Frank McGrath
1957 1959 Zorro / Guy Williams, Henry Calvin
1958 1961 Bat Masterson / Gene Barry
1958 1962 Bronco / Ty Hardin
1958 1959 Buckskin / Tom Nolan, Sally Brophy
1958 1960 Cimarron City / George Montgomery, Audrey Totter
1958 1959 Frontier Doctor / Rex Allen
1958 1961 Frontier Justice / Lew Ayres, Melvyn Douglas, Ralph Bellamy
1958 1962 Lawman / John Russell, Peter Brown
1958 1959 Mackenzie's Raiders / Richard Carlson, Art Gilmore
1958 1959 Northwest Passage / Keith Larsen, Buddy Ebsen, Don Burnett
1958 1963 Rifleman (The) / Chuck Connors, Johnny Crawford, Paul Fix
1958 1959 Rough Riders / Kent Taylor, Jan Merlin, Peter Whitney
1958 1958 Union Pacific / Jeff Morrow, Judson Pratt
1958 1961 Wanted - Dead or Alive / Steve McQueen
1958 1959 Yancy Derringer / Jock Mahoney, X Brands
1959 1960 Alaskans (The) / Roger Moore, Dorothy Provine
1959 1960 Black Saddle / Peter Breck
1959 1973 Bonanza / Loren Greene, Michael Landon, Dan Blocker, Pernell Roberts, Victor Sen Yung
1959 1960 Hotel de Paree / Earl Holliman, Jeanette Nolan, Strother Martin
1959 1960 Jefferson Drum / Jeff Richards
1959 1960 Johnny Ringo / Don Durant, Mark Goddard
1959 1963 Laramie / Robert Fuller, John Smith, Spring Byington
1959 1960 Law of the Plainsman / Michael Ansara
1959 1960 Man from Blackhawk (The) / Sam Logan
1959 1959 Pony Express / Grant Sullivan, Don Dorrell
1959 1966 Rawhide / Clint Eastwood, Eric Fleming, Paul Brinegar
1959 1961 Rebel (The) / Nick Adams
1959 1961 Riverboat / Darren McGavin, Dick Wessel, Burt Reynolds
1959 1961 Shotgun Slade / Scott Brady
1959 1961 The Deputy / Henry Fonda, Allen Case
1959 1960 Wichita Town / Joel McCrea, Jody McCrea
1960 1962 Outlaws / Don Collier, Barton MacLane
1960 1960 Overland Trail / William Bendix, Doug McClure, Harry Guardino
1960 1961 Stagecoach West / Robert Bray, Wayne Rogers
1960 1962 Tall Man / Barry Sullivan, Clu Gulager
1960 1960 Two Faces West / Charles Bateman
1960 1960 Westerner (The) / Brian Keith
1960 1960 Whiplash / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
1960 1960 Wrangler / Jason Evers, Eli Boraks
1961 1962 Frontier Circus / Chill Wills, Richard Jaeckel, John Derek
1961 1961 Gunslinger / Tony Young, Preston Foster
1961 1961 Whispering Smith / Audie Murphy
1962 1964 Empire / Richard Egan, Charles Bronson, Ryan O'Neal
1962 1963 Stoney Burke / Jack Lord
1962 1971 Virginian (The) / James Drury, Doug McClure, Lee J. Cobb, Clu Gulager
1962 1963 Wide Country (The) / Earl Holliman, Andrew Prine
1963 1963 Dakotas (The) / Larry Ward, Jack Elam, Chad Everett
1963 1963 Redigo / Richard Egan, Don Diamond
1963 1964 Temple Houston / Jeffery Hunter, Jack Elam
1963 1964 Travels of Jaimie McPheeters / Kurt Russell, Dan O'Herlihy, Charles Bronson
1964 1970 Daniel Boone / Fess Parker, Ed Ames
1964 1964 Destry / John Gavin
1965 1969 Big Valley / Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Long, Lee Majors, Linda Evans
1965 1966 Branded / Chuck Connors
1965 1967 F Troop / Forrest Tucker, Ken Berry, Larry Storch
1965 1967 Laredo / Neville Brand, Peter Brown, William Smith
1965 1966 Legend of Jesse James / Allen Case, Christopher Jones
1965 1966 Loner (The) / Lloyd Bridges
1965 1966 Man Called Shenandoah (A) / Robert Horton
1965 1969 Wild Wild West / Robert Conrad, Ross Martin
1966 1968 Iron Horse / Dale Robertson
1966 1967 Monroes / Barbara Hershey, Michael Anderson, Ben Johnson
1966 1967 Pistols and Petticoats / Ann Sheridan, Gary Vinson
1966 1967 Road West / Rex Holman, Barbara Anderson
1966 1967 Rounders (The) / Ron Hayes, Patrick Wayne, Chill Wills
1966 1966 Shane / David Carridine, Jill Ireland, Tom Tully
1967 1968 Cimarron Strip / Stuart Whitman, Randy Boone
1967 1967 Custer / Wayne Maunder
1967 1967 Dundee and the Culhane / John Mills, Sean Garrison
1967 1969 Guns of Will Sonnett / Walter Brennan, Dack Rambo
1967 1971 High Chaparral / Lief Erickson, Cameron Mitchell, Henry Darrow, Linda Cristal
1967 1967 Hondo / Ralph Taeger, Noah Beery Jr
1967 1967 Rango / Tim Conway
1968 1970 Here Come the Brides / Robert Brown, Bobby Sherman, David Soul
1968 1970 Lancer / James Stacy, Wayne Maunder, Andrwe Duggan
1968 1969 Outcasts / Don Murray, Otis Young
1971 1973 Alias Smith and Jones / Ben Murphy, Peter Duel
1971 1972 Cade's County / Glenn Ford, Edgar Buchanan
1971 1972 Nichols / James Garner
1972 1974 Hec Ramsey / Richard Boone
1972 1975 Kung Fu / David Carridine, Keye Luke
1973 1973 Dusty's Trail / Bob Denver, Forrest Tucker
1974 1974 Dirty Sally / Jeanette Nolan
1974 1983 Little House on the Prairie / Michael Landon, Karen Grassle, Melissa Gilbert, Melissa Anderson
1975 1976 Barbary Coast / William Shatner, Doug McClure
1976 1976 Quest (The) / Kurt Russell, Tim Matheson, Brian Keith
1976 1976 Sara / Brenda Vaccaro, Jerry Hardin
1977 1978 Life and Times of Grizzly Adams / Dan Haggerty, Denver Pyle
1977 1977 Oregon Trail / Rod Taylor
1978 1978 Young Pioneers (The) / Linda Purl, David Beaton
1979 1980 Young Maverick / Charles Frank
1980 1980 Chisolms (The) / Robert Preston
1981 1981 Best of the West / Joel Higgins
1981 1983 Father Murphy / Merlin Olsen
1983 1983 Zorro and Son / Henry Darrow, Paul Regina
1985 1985 Wildside / William Smith, J.Eddie Peck, Meg Ryan
1989 1991 Bordertown / Richard Comar
1989 1992 Young Riders (The) / Stephen Baldwin, Josh Brolin, Anthony Zerbe
1993 1994 Adventures of Brisco County Jr / Bruce Campbell
1993 1998 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman / Jane Seymour
1993 1994 Harts of the West / Beau Bridges
1995 1995 Legend / Richard Dean Anderson
1996 1996 The Lazarus Man / Robert Urich
1998 2000 Magnificent Seven (The) / Michael Biehn, Eric Close, Ron Perlman
2001 2002 Ponderosa / Drew Powell, Matt Carmody, Daniel H.Kelly, Jared Daperis
2004 2006 Deadwood / Ian McShane
Boomer Era Western TV Shows
(Alphabetical Order)
Name of Show /Selected Stars
Action in the Afternoon / Jack Valentine
Adventures of Brisco County Jr / Bruce Campbell
Adventures of Champion / Gene Autry's Champion
Alaskans (The) / Roger Moore, Dorothy Provine
Alias Smith and Jones / Ben Murphy, Peter Duel
Annie Oakley / Gail Davis
Barbary Coast / William Shatner, Doug McClure
Bat Masterson / Gene Barry
Best of the West / Joel Higgins
Big Valley / Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Long, Lee Majors, Linda Evans
Black Saddle / Peter Breck
Bonanza / Loren Greene, Michael Landon, Dan Blocker, Pernell Roberts, Victor Sen Yung
Boots and Saddles / John Pickard, Gardner McKay
Bordertown / Richard Comar
Branded / Chuck Connors
Brave Eagle / Keith Larsen
Broken Arrow / John Lupton, Michael Ansara
Bronco / Ty Hardin
Buckskin / Tom Nolan, Sally Brophy
Buffalo Bill, Jr / Dickie Jones, Nancy Gilbert
Cade's County / Glenn Ford, Edgar Buchanan
Californians (The) / Richard Coogan
Casey Jones / Alan Hale Jr, Bobby Clark
Cheyenne / Clint Walker
Chisolms (The) / Robert Preston
Cimarron City / George Montgomery, Audrey Totter
Cimarron Strip / Stuart Whitman, Randy Boone
Circus Boy / Micky Dolenz, Noah Beery Jr
Cisco Kid / Duncan Renaldo, Leo Carrillo
Colt .45 / Wayde Preston
Cowboy G-Men / Russell Hayden, Jackie Coogan
Custer / Wayne Maunder
Cyclone Malone / Ross Jones
Dakotas (The) / Larry Ward, Jack Elam, Chad Everett
Daniel Boone / Fess Parker, Ed Ames
Davy Crockett / Fess Parker, Buddy Ebsen
Deadwood / Ian McShane
Death Valley Days / Stanley Andrews, Robert Taylor
Destry / John Gavin
Dirty Sally / Jeanette Nolan
Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman / Jane Seymour
Dundee and the Culhane / John Mills, Sean Garrison
Dusty's Trail / Bob Denver, Forrest Tucker
Empire / Richard Egan, Charles Bronson, Ryan O'Neal
F Troop / Forrest Tucker, Ken Berry, Larry Storch
Father Murphy / Merlin Olsen
Flicka (My Friend) / Johnny Washbrook
Frontier / Walter Coy
Frontier Circus / Chill Wills, Richard Jaeckel, John Derek
Frontier Doctor / Rex Allen
Frontier Justice / Lew Ayres, Melvyn Douglas, Ralph Bellamy
Fury / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
Gene Autry / Gene Autry, Champion
Guns of Will Sonnett / Walter Brennan, Dack Rambo
Gunslinger / Tony Young, Preston Foster
Gunsmoke / James Arness, Milburn Stone, Amanda Blake, Dennis Weaver, Ken Curtis
Harts of the West / Beau Bridges
Have Gun, Will Travel / Richard Boone, Kam Tong
Hawkeye & the Last of the Mohicans / John Hart, Lon Chaney Jr
Hec Ramsey / Richard Boone
Here Come the Brides / Robert Brown, Bobby Sherman, David Soul
High Chaparral / Lief Erickson, Cameron Mitchell, Henry Darrow, Linda Cristal
Hondo / Ralph Taeger, Noah Beery Jr
Hopalong Cassidy / William Boyd, Topper, Edgar Buchanan, Andy Clyde
Hotel de Paree / Earl Holliman, Jeanette Nolan, Strother Martin
Howdy Doody / Buffalo Bob Smith
Iron Horse / Dale Robertson
Jefferson Drum / Jeff Richards
Jim Bowie / Scott Forbes
Johnny Ringo / Don Durant, Mark Goddard
Judge Roy Bean / Edgar Buchanan, X Brands
Kit Carson / Bill Williams, Don Diamond
Kung Fu / David Carridine, Keye Luke
Lancer / James Stacy, Wayne Maunder, Andrwe Duggan
Laramie / Robert Fuller, John Smith, Spring Byington
Laredo / Neville Brand, Peter Brown, William Smith
Law of the Plainsman / Michael Ansara
Lawman / John Russell, Peter Brown
Legend / Richard Dean Anderson
Legend of Jesse James / Allen Case, Christopher Jones
Life and Times of Grizzly Adams / Dan Haggerty, Denver Pyle
Little House on the Prairie / Michael Landon, Karen Grassle, Melissa Gilbert, Melissa Anderson
Lone Ranger / Clayton Moore, Jay Silverheels, John Hart
Loner (The) / Lloyd Bridges
Mackenzie's Raiders / Richard Carlson, Art Gilmore
Magnificent Seven (The) / Michael Biehn, Eric Close, Ron Perlman
Man Called Shenandoah (A) / Robert Horton
Man from Blackhawk (The) / Sam Logan
Man without a Gun / Rex Reason
Marshall of Gunsight Pass / Eddie Dean
Maverick / Jack Kelly, James Garner, Roger Moore
Monroes / Barbara Hershey, Michael Anderson, Ben Johnson
Nichols / James Garner
Northwest Passage / Keith Larsen, Buddy Ebsen, Don Burnett
Oregon Trail / Rod Taylor
Outcasts / Don Murray, Otis Young
Outlaws / Don Collier, Barton MacLane
Overland Trail / William Bendix, Doug McClure, Harry Guardino
Pistols and Petticoats / Ann Sheridan, Gary Vinson
Ponderosa / Drew Powell, Matt Carmody, Daniel H.Kelly, Jared Daperis
Pony Express / Grant Sullivan, Don Dorrell
Quest (The) / Kurt Russell, Tim Matheson, Brian Keith
Range Rider / Jock Mahoney, Dickie Jones
Rango / Tim Conway
Rawhide / Clint Eastwood, Eric Fleming, Paul Brinegar
Rebel (The) / Nick Adams
Red Ryder / Allan Lane, Louis Lettieri
Redigo / Richard Egan, Don Diamond
Restless Gun / John Payne
Rifleman (The) / Chuck Connors, Johnny Crawford, Paul Fix
Rin Tin Tin (Adventures of) / Rin Tin Tin, Lee Aaker, James Brown, Joe Sawyer
Riverboat / Darren McGavin, Dick Wessel, Burt Reynolds
Road West / Rex Holman, Barbara Anderson
Rough Riders / Kent Taylor, Jan Merlin, Peter Whitney
Rounders (The) / Ron Hayes, Patrick Wayne, Chill Wills
Roy Rogers / Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, Pat Brady, Trigger, Bullet
Sara / Brenda Vaccaro, Jerry Hardin
Sergeant Preston of the Yukon / Dick Simmons, Yukon King
Shane / David Carridine, Jill Ireland, Tom Tully
Sheriff of Cochise / John Bromfield
Shotgun Slade / Scott Brady
Sky King / Kirby Grant, Gloria Winters
Spin and Marty / Tim Considine, David Stollery
Stagecoach West / Robert Bray, Wayne Rogers
Steve Donovan, Western Marshall / Douglas Kennedy, Eddy Waller
Stoney Burke / Jack Lord
Sugarfoot / Will Hutchins
Tales of the Texas Rangers / Willard Parker, Harry Lauter
Tales of Wells Fargo / Dale Robertson
Tall Man / Barry Sullivan, Clu Gulager
Temple Houston / Jeffery Hunter, Jack Elam
The Deputy / Henry Fonda, Allen Case
The Lazarus Man / Robert Urich
Tombstone Territory / Pat Conway, Richard Eastham
Trackdown / Robert Culp
Travels of Jaimie McPheeters / Kurt Russell, Dan O'Herlihy, Charles Bronson
Twenty-Six Men / Tristam Coffin, Kelo Henderson
Two Faces West / Charles Bateman
Union Pacific / Jeff Morrow, Judson Pratt
Virginian (The) / James Drury, Doug McClure, Lee J. Cobb, Clu Gulager
Wagon Train / Ward Bond, John McIntire, Robert Horton, Frank McGrath
Wanted - Dead or Alive / Steve McQueen
Westerner (The) / Brian Keith
Whiplash / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
Whispering Smith / Audie Murphy
Wichita Town / Joel McCrea, Jody McCrea
Wide Country (The) / Earl Holliman, Andrew Prine
Wild Bill Hickock / Guy Madison, Andy Devine
Wild Wild West / Robert Conrad, Ross Martin
Wildside / William Smith, J.Eddie Peck, Meg Ryan
Wrangler / Jason Evers, Eli Boraks
Wyatt Earp / Hugh O'Brian
Yancy Derringer / Jock Mahoney, X Brands
Young Maverick / Charles Frank
Young Pioneers (The) / Linda Purl, David Beaton
Young Riders (The) / Stephen Baldwin, Josh Brolin, Anthony Zerbe
Zane Grey Theater / Dick Powell
Zorro / Guy Williams, Henry Calvin
Zorro and Son / Henry Darrow, Paul Regina
(Alphabetical Order)
Name of Show /Selected Stars
Action in the Afternoon / Jack Valentine
Adventures of Brisco County Jr / Bruce Campbell
Adventures of Champion / Gene Autry's Champion
Alaskans (The) / Roger Moore, Dorothy Provine
Alias Smith and Jones / Ben Murphy, Peter Duel
Annie Oakley / Gail Davis
Barbary Coast / William Shatner, Doug McClure
Bat Masterson / Gene Barry
Best of the West / Joel Higgins
Big Valley / Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Long, Lee Majors, Linda Evans
Black Saddle / Peter Breck
Bonanza / Loren Greene, Michael Landon, Dan Blocker, Pernell Roberts, Victor Sen Yung
Boots and Saddles / John Pickard, Gardner McKay
Bordertown / Richard Comar
Branded / Chuck Connors
Brave Eagle / Keith Larsen
Broken Arrow / John Lupton, Michael Ansara
Bronco / Ty Hardin
Buckskin / Tom Nolan, Sally Brophy
Buffalo Bill, Jr / Dickie Jones, Nancy Gilbert
Cade's County / Glenn Ford, Edgar Buchanan
Californians (The) / Richard Coogan
Casey Jones / Alan Hale Jr, Bobby Clark
Cheyenne / Clint Walker
Chisolms (The) / Robert Preston
Cimarron City / George Montgomery, Audrey Totter
Cimarron Strip / Stuart Whitman, Randy Boone
Circus Boy / Micky Dolenz, Noah Beery Jr
Cisco Kid / Duncan Renaldo, Leo Carrillo
Colt .45 / Wayde Preston
Cowboy G-Men / Russell Hayden, Jackie Coogan
Custer / Wayne Maunder
Cyclone Malone / Ross Jones
Dakotas (The) / Larry Ward, Jack Elam, Chad Everett
Daniel Boone / Fess Parker, Ed Ames
Davy Crockett / Fess Parker, Buddy Ebsen
Deadwood / Ian McShane
Death Valley Days / Stanley Andrews, Robert Taylor
Destry / John Gavin
Dirty Sally / Jeanette Nolan
Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman / Jane Seymour
Dundee and the Culhane / John Mills, Sean Garrison
Dusty's Trail / Bob Denver, Forrest Tucker
Empire / Richard Egan, Charles Bronson, Ryan O'Neal
F Troop / Forrest Tucker, Ken Berry, Larry Storch
Father Murphy / Merlin Olsen
Flicka (My Friend) / Johnny Washbrook
Frontier / Walter Coy
Frontier Circus / Chill Wills, Richard Jaeckel, John Derek
Frontier Doctor / Rex Allen
Frontier Justice / Lew Ayres, Melvyn Douglas, Ralph Bellamy
Fury / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
Gene Autry / Gene Autry, Champion
Guns of Will Sonnett / Walter Brennan, Dack Rambo
Gunslinger / Tony Young, Preston Foster
Gunsmoke / James Arness, Milburn Stone, Amanda Blake, Dennis Weaver, Ken Curtis
Harts of the West / Beau Bridges
Have Gun, Will Travel / Richard Boone, Kam Tong
Hawkeye & the Last of the Mohicans / John Hart, Lon Chaney Jr
Hec Ramsey / Richard Boone
Here Come the Brides / Robert Brown, Bobby Sherman, David Soul
High Chaparral / Lief Erickson, Cameron Mitchell, Henry Darrow, Linda Cristal
Hondo / Ralph Taeger, Noah Beery Jr
Hopalong Cassidy / William Boyd, Topper, Edgar Buchanan, Andy Clyde
Hotel de Paree / Earl Holliman, Jeanette Nolan, Strother Martin
Howdy Doody / Buffalo Bob Smith
Iron Horse / Dale Robertson
Jefferson Drum / Jeff Richards
Jim Bowie / Scott Forbes
Johnny Ringo / Don Durant, Mark Goddard
Judge Roy Bean / Edgar Buchanan, X Brands
Kit Carson / Bill Williams, Don Diamond
Kung Fu / David Carridine, Keye Luke
Lancer / James Stacy, Wayne Maunder, Andrwe Duggan
Laramie / Robert Fuller, John Smith, Spring Byington
Laredo / Neville Brand, Peter Brown, William Smith
Law of the Plainsman / Michael Ansara
Lawman / John Russell, Peter Brown
Legend / Richard Dean Anderson
Legend of Jesse James / Allen Case, Christopher Jones
Life and Times of Grizzly Adams / Dan Haggerty, Denver Pyle
Little House on the Prairie / Michael Landon, Karen Grassle, Melissa Gilbert, Melissa Anderson
Lone Ranger / Clayton Moore, Jay Silverheels, John Hart
Loner (The) / Lloyd Bridges
Mackenzie's Raiders / Richard Carlson, Art Gilmore
Magnificent Seven (The) / Michael Biehn, Eric Close, Ron Perlman
Man Called Shenandoah (A) / Robert Horton
Man from Blackhawk (The) / Sam Logan
Man without a Gun / Rex Reason
Marshall of Gunsight Pass / Eddie Dean
Maverick / Jack Kelly, James Garner, Roger Moore
Monroes / Barbara Hershey, Michael Anderson, Ben Johnson
Nichols / James Garner
Northwest Passage / Keith Larsen, Buddy Ebsen, Don Burnett
Oregon Trail / Rod Taylor
Outcasts / Don Murray, Otis Young
Outlaws / Don Collier, Barton MacLane
Overland Trail / William Bendix, Doug McClure, Harry Guardino
Pistols and Petticoats / Ann Sheridan, Gary Vinson
Ponderosa / Drew Powell, Matt Carmody, Daniel H.Kelly, Jared Daperis
Pony Express / Grant Sullivan, Don Dorrell
Quest (The) / Kurt Russell, Tim Matheson, Brian Keith
Range Rider / Jock Mahoney, Dickie Jones
Rango / Tim Conway
Rawhide / Clint Eastwood, Eric Fleming, Paul Brinegar
Rebel (The) / Nick Adams
Red Ryder / Allan Lane, Louis Lettieri
Redigo / Richard Egan, Don Diamond
Restless Gun / John Payne
Rifleman (The) / Chuck Connors, Johnny Crawford, Paul Fix
Rin Tin Tin (Adventures of) / Rin Tin Tin, Lee Aaker, James Brown, Joe Sawyer
Riverboat / Darren McGavin, Dick Wessel, Burt Reynolds
Road West / Rex Holman, Barbara Anderson
Rough Riders / Kent Taylor, Jan Merlin, Peter Whitney
Rounders (The) / Ron Hayes, Patrick Wayne, Chill Wills
Roy Rogers / Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, Pat Brady, Trigger, Bullet
Sara / Brenda Vaccaro, Jerry Hardin
Sergeant Preston of the Yukon / Dick Simmons, Yukon King
Shane / David Carridine, Jill Ireland, Tom Tully
Sheriff of Cochise / John Bromfield
Shotgun Slade / Scott Brady
Sky King / Kirby Grant, Gloria Winters
Spin and Marty / Tim Considine, David Stollery
Stagecoach West / Robert Bray, Wayne Rogers
Steve Donovan, Western Marshall / Douglas Kennedy, Eddy Waller
Stoney Burke / Jack Lord
Sugarfoot / Will Hutchins
Tales of the Texas Rangers / Willard Parker, Harry Lauter
Tales of Wells Fargo / Dale Robertson
Tall Man / Barry Sullivan, Clu Gulager
Temple Houston / Jeffery Hunter, Jack Elam
The Deputy / Henry Fonda, Allen Case
The Lazarus Man / Robert Urich
Tombstone Territory / Pat Conway, Richard Eastham
Trackdown / Robert Culp
Travels of Jaimie McPheeters / Kurt Russell, Dan O'Herlihy, Charles Bronson
Twenty-Six Men / Tristam Coffin, Kelo Henderson
Two Faces West / Charles Bateman
Union Pacific / Jeff Morrow, Judson Pratt
Virginian (The) / James Drury, Doug McClure, Lee J. Cobb, Clu Gulager
Wagon Train / Ward Bond, John McIntire, Robert Horton, Frank McGrath
Wanted - Dead or Alive / Steve McQueen
Westerner (The) / Brian Keith
Whiplash / Peter Graves, Bobby Diamond
Whispering Smith / Audie Murphy
Wichita Town / Joel McCrea, Jody McCrea
Wide Country (The) / Earl Holliman, Andrew Prine
Wild Bill Hickock / Guy Madison, Andy Devine
Wild Wild West / Robert Conrad, Ross Martin
Wildside / William Smith, J.Eddie Peck, Meg Ryan
Wrangler / Jason Evers, Eli Boraks
Wyatt Earp / Hugh O'Brian
Yancy Derringer / Jock Mahoney, X Brands
Young Maverick / Charles Frank
Young Pioneers (The) / Linda Purl, David Beaton
Young Riders (The) / Stephen Baldwin, Josh Brolin, Anthony Zerbe
Zane Grey Theater / Dick Powell
Zorro / Guy Williams, Henry Calvin
Zorro and Son / Henry Darrow, Paul Regina
Friday, November 27, 2009
Half-Baked Thanksgiving
Here at Clear Creek Ranch we are realists. While we grow our own vegetables and bake our own bread, there are some things we know from experience we are just not destined to do. Like bake an edible pumpkin pie. This small flaw can be overlooked 51 weeks of the year, but come late November, I start scouting the town bakeries and other spots where pastry sightings have been reported.
I really should go shopping more often . . . or maybe less.
I successfully dodged the dozen towering teenaged skateboarders who apparently are required to live as vagrants on the sidewalks near all supermarkets, where they practice 360s until they lose consciousness and their skateboards careen wildly into the unsuspecting anklebones of innocent bystanders.
I quadruple-bypassed, without surgery or insurance, the gauntlet of obscenely overweight sample-servers, each clad incongruously in running shoes and jogging outfits, and who offered me skewered tidbits of dietetic cheese-food, meat-food, fruit-food, and cola-food.
I chided myself for thinking of all the laws I'd like to pass to make my visits to town more enjoyable and aesthetically pleasing. Laws that don't exist, but maybe should? Can etiquette or good taste be legislated?
For example: Should all men, regardless of stomach size, be required to wear their belt horizontal to the ground and finally admit they don't still have the 30-inch waist they once had in high school? Should skin-tight jeans be banned on most women over age 18 who weigh more than 120 pounds? Should all restaurant diners have their 49er baseball caps lopped from their heads by roving bands of machete-wielding hat police?
Ah, perhaps I expect too much of people.
I found my pumpkin pie neatly sealed in plastic and held in a disposable tinfoil pan (just like the Pilgrims!) and headed for the checkout counter. Against my better judgment I chose the shortest line.
The only customer ahead of me was a grizzled cowboy with a belt buckle the size of a hubcap. His shopping cart was filled with beef jerky strips and cigarettes. The clerk was a trainee and having trouble with the bar code scanner. While I waited patiently, the cowboy repeatedly whistled an absentminded, tunelessly annoying few bars of whatever notes he remembered of Johnny Cash's old hit "Folsom Prison Blues."
Meanwhile behind me at knee-level, I heard what sounded like silverware being dropped down the garbage disposal. I looked down to see a small sniffling urchin loudly inhaling his own mucus while his mother changed his baby sister's diaper in the shopping cart. She scolded the boy in high-decibel babytalk and handed the soiled diaper to the novice clerk, who ran it over the scanner. Then, using the same hand, she fished a tissue from somewhere and held it to the young boy's nose. He obligingly repeated his incredible noise while disgorging several gallons of vile slime into her hand. She handed that to the clerk too. I made a mental note when my turn came to run the pie over the scanner myself.
The whistling cowboy wanted to pay for his purchase using a combination of out-of-state checks, postage stamps, pesos, and what he claimed was the dried ear of a bull. While the clerk got the manager's approval on this bit of international finance, the cowboy continued his tune, consistently missing the same notes, over and over. My pupils dilated and my pulse began to race.
"I shot a man in Safeway just to watch him die," I sang in perfect time to the cowboy's music. "When all I really wanted was to buy a pumpkin pie."
While others stared, the little coughing mucus machine was unimpressed. "I gotta go potty now," he announced to everyone.
I realized I did too. But I was able to hold it (and my pie) until I got back to Clear Creek Ranch. And for that I'm very thankful.
I really should go shopping more often . . . or maybe less.
I successfully dodged the dozen towering teenaged skateboarders who apparently are required to live as vagrants on the sidewalks near all supermarkets, where they practice 360s until they lose consciousness and their skateboards careen wildly into the unsuspecting anklebones of innocent bystanders.
I quadruple-bypassed, without surgery or insurance, the gauntlet of obscenely overweight sample-servers, each clad incongruously in running shoes and jogging outfits, and who offered me skewered tidbits of dietetic cheese-food, meat-food, fruit-food, and cola-food.
I chided myself for thinking of all the laws I'd like to pass to make my visits to town more enjoyable and aesthetically pleasing. Laws that don't exist, but maybe should? Can etiquette or good taste be legislated?
For example: Should all men, regardless of stomach size, be required to wear their belt horizontal to the ground and finally admit they don't still have the 30-inch waist they once had in high school? Should skin-tight jeans be banned on most women over age 18 who weigh more than 120 pounds? Should all restaurant diners have their 49er baseball caps lopped from their heads by roving bands of machete-wielding hat police?
Ah, perhaps I expect too much of people.
I found my pumpkin pie neatly sealed in plastic and held in a disposable tinfoil pan (just like the Pilgrims!) and headed for the checkout counter. Against my better judgment I chose the shortest line.
The only customer ahead of me was a grizzled cowboy with a belt buckle the size of a hubcap. His shopping cart was filled with beef jerky strips and cigarettes. The clerk was a trainee and having trouble with the bar code scanner. While I waited patiently, the cowboy repeatedly whistled an absentminded, tunelessly annoying few bars of whatever notes he remembered of Johnny Cash's old hit "Folsom Prison Blues."
Meanwhile behind me at knee-level, I heard what sounded like silverware being dropped down the garbage disposal. I looked down to see a small sniffling urchin loudly inhaling his own mucus while his mother changed his baby sister's diaper in the shopping cart. She scolded the boy in high-decibel babytalk and handed the soiled diaper to the novice clerk, who ran it over the scanner. Then, using the same hand, she fished a tissue from somewhere and held it to the young boy's nose. He obligingly repeated his incredible noise while disgorging several gallons of vile slime into her hand. She handed that to the clerk too. I made a mental note when my turn came to run the pie over the scanner myself.
The whistling cowboy wanted to pay for his purchase using a combination of out-of-state checks, postage stamps, pesos, and what he claimed was the dried ear of a bull. While the clerk got the manager's approval on this bit of international finance, the cowboy continued his tune, consistently missing the same notes, over and over. My pupils dilated and my pulse began to race.
"I shot a man in Safeway just to watch him die," I sang in perfect time to the cowboy's music. "When all I really wanted was to buy a pumpkin pie."
While others stared, the little coughing mucus machine was unimpressed. "I gotta go potty now," he announced to everyone.
I realized I did too. But I was able to hold it (and my pie) until I got back to Clear Creek Ranch. And for that I'm very thankful.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
July 4th: Selling the Sizzle Is At Stake
Sales fizzled again last year here at the Clear Creek Ranch fireworks stand. The new pre-purchase screening protocol I imposed may be to blame. Between the written and oral tests, plus the background and liability insurance checks, the compulsory safety video, and the implantation of GPS satellite tracking devices, it is a good two days before a patriotic pyromaniac can even get close to an M-80 around here.
Still, it seems a small price to pay to be able to blow something up to celebrate our declaration of independence from England, AND support a worthy cause (me) at the same time.
Perhaps the test was too hard. Some examples: How many future U.S. presidents signed the declaration? Name the signers whose faces currently appear on our paper currency. Who REALLY wrote the declaration, Thomas Jefferson or Thomas Paine? How many years did the revolutionary war last? What Indians can we thank for distracting the British and keeping the war from lasting even longer?
And the essay question: Just how independent are we? The majority in both the U.S.A. and England speak English, (although I DO require subtitles and a glossary when viewing British films or American hip-hop videos). Both countries have red, white and blue flags and both enjoy ongoing political intrigues around the world.
The Brits once burned Washington D.C. to the ground, yet we bailed them out of TWO world wars, AND took over several of their botched diplomatic operations in the Middle East, including the deadly and unsolvable Gordian knot that is Arab/Israeli politics.
They gave us Russell Brand and Eddie Izzard. We MUST do something about that exchange rate.
Their dysfunctional royal family is OUR dysfunctional royal family. A royal ex-wife does American television info-mercials for weight loss schemes. The media keeps us better informed on the comings and goings of the royal grandkids than we are of our own.
Independent or not, July 4th is a day for making loud noises and exploding things. Too bad the founding fathers didn't take into account how tinder box dry things are this time of year. If only they signed their petition during the rainy season! But then they were NOT "safe and sane," they were revolutionaries.
As parched as things are right now, one stray bottle rocket and there goes the neighborhood, up in smoke. The same is true in the towns near Clear Creek Ranch. Chock full of picturesque 125 year old Victorians, aka expensive stacks of kindling. Yet each year, fundraisers in town flog explosives in the name of charity AND patriotism. It is hard to argue against, and hard to understand at the same time.
Which is why, here at the ranch fireworks stand, we only sell to folks with working VCRs. Our fireworks displays are on VHS or DVD only. No need to huddle outside in the dark, nursing that holiday sunburn and being eaten alive by mosquitoes, on the off chance of seeing the neighborhood in flames.
Just slip into something red, white and blue and douse the house lights. We've compiled a two hour assortment of the best fireworks displays ever taped "off the air." Replay that quintuple starburst with the cherry bomb punctuation as many times as you want and fast-forward through the commercials.
And if you really want to be patriotic, splurge on the largest big-screen, flat screen, high definition TV you can find. Because if there are two things that make America great, they are blowing up things and throwing money around. And when you can combine the two, well, that is revolutionary. Or is it revolting?
Perhaps this 4th is the day to find out.
Still, it seems a small price to pay to be able to blow something up to celebrate our declaration of independence from England, AND support a worthy cause (me) at the same time.
Perhaps the test was too hard. Some examples: How many future U.S. presidents signed the declaration? Name the signers whose faces currently appear on our paper currency. Who REALLY wrote the declaration, Thomas Jefferson or Thomas Paine? How many years did the revolutionary war last? What Indians can we thank for distracting the British and keeping the war from lasting even longer?
And the essay question: Just how independent are we? The majority in both the U.S.A. and England speak English, (although I DO require subtitles and a glossary when viewing British films or American hip-hop videos). Both countries have red, white and blue flags and both enjoy ongoing political intrigues around the world.
The Brits once burned Washington D.C. to the ground, yet we bailed them out of TWO world wars, AND took over several of their botched diplomatic operations in the Middle East, including the deadly and unsolvable Gordian knot that is Arab/Israeli politics.
They gave us Russell Brand and Eddie Izzard. We MUST do something about that exchange rate.
Their dysfunctional royal family is OUR dysfunctional royal family. A royal ex-wife does American television info-mercials for weight loss schemes. The media keeps us better informed on the comings and goings of the royal grandkids than we are of our own.
Independent or not, July 4th is a day for making loud noises and exploding things. Too bad the founding fathers didn't take into account how tinder box dry things are this time of year. If only they signed their petition during the rainy season! But then they were NOT "safe and sane," they were revolutionaries.
As parched as things are right now, one stray bottle rocket and there goes the neighborhood, up in smoke. The same is true in the towns near Clear Creek Ranch. Chock full of picturesque 125 year old Victorians, aka expensive stacks of kindling. Yet each year, fundraisers in town flog explosives in the name of charity AND patriotism. It is hard to argue against, and hard to understand at the same time.
Which is why, here at the ranch fireworks stand, we only sell to folks with working VCRs. Our fireworks displays are on VHS or DVD only. No need to huddle outside in the dark, nursing that holiday sunburn and being eaten alive by mosquitoes, on the off chance of seeing the neighborhood in flames.
Just slip into something red, white and blue and douse the house lights. We've compiled a two hour assortment of the best fireworks displays ever taped "off the air." Replay that quintuple starburst with the cherry bomb punctuation as many times as you want and fast-forward through the commercials.
And if you really want to be patriotic, splurge on the largest big-screen, flat screen, high definition TV you can find. Because if there are two things that make America great, they are blowing up things and throwing money around. And when you can combine the two, well, that is revolutionary. Or is it revolting?
Perhaps this 4th is the day to find out.
How NOT to Change a Lightbulb
"That light is burned out in the cellar again," my wife announced brightly.
"And which cellar would that be?" I asked. "Our root cellar -- home to grotesque semi-comatose vegetable species not normally found in nature? Or our wine cellar -- final resting place to several vintages of home-bottled Chateau de Clear Creek wine in various shades of murky brown or gray (the contents, not the glass)?The glass is dark green to obscure the floating chunks. Or our brick-lined combination mildew farm/frog grotto -- the one with the seasonally-submerged chandelier?"
"You aren't going to start singing 'Sump-where Under The Rainbow' again, are you? That always scares the cats."
By the way, we have only one cellar, but it has served all the above-mentioned purposes over the years. I hand-dug it during my "Voluntary Simplicity" phase. (Voluntary Stupidity, perhaps?) Its sole function is as a reliable gauge for the level of the local water table. Just check the high water marks, when the light isn't burned out or submerged.
"Let's convert the cellar to a darkroom," I said.
"What's to convert?" my wife said dimly. "With the bulb burned out, it's as dark as it gets in there."
"I mean a photography darkroom. I can develop prints documenting the quaint aspects our rustic lifestyle."
"Tell me, Prints Charming, how much will this cost?"
I gave her a dollars-and-cents answer, but forgot to include the sense, ie the emotional wear-and-tear factor. She agreed, but thought it was an elaborate way to avoid changing a light bulb.
I had a new focus in life and couldn't wait to see what developed. There were things to buy and plans to make. I pictured a pleasant pastime zooming into a new career. Perhaps I could produce a slick coffee table book of poignant black-and-white photographs.
My wife reminded me of my tendency to flit from one project to next, rarely completing any of them.
"You could write an autobiography," she said. "Call it 'The Great Gadfly."
"I prefer the lens-name F-stop FitzDrummond." Literary critics are everywhere.
I did not buy a point-and-shoot, automatic-everything camera. They are fine for tourist snapshots, but not for the epic volume I had in mind. And there is something macho about owning a telephoto lens so big it needs straps and a tripod to support it.
I took a crash course in photography: shutter speeds, diaphragms, lenses, aperture settings, emulsions, chemistry, physics, light meters, enlargers, tripod etiquette, and more. And acquired an encyclopedic knowledge of cheese names, as in "say cheese," "edam and weep," etc., depending on the mood required.
Soon I was a vision in my photographer's vest, festooned with film cans, spare lenses, camera straps, pouches, filters, and more straps.
But no one told me about the Rule of Thumb. Mine is always there in the foreground of every print, out of focus, somewhere between the lens and the subject. Giving new meaning to the term camera obscura.
As my wife had predicted, F-stop FitzDrummond's darkroom soon reverted to its more primitive nature -- home to stalagmite and stalactite wannabees. (No, I do not know which is which).
And at the risk of being charged with Polonius assault, I've finally learned a lesson from Shakespeare's Hamlet, "Neither a burrower nor a lenser be."
Or for you Latin lovers, "Caveat Snaptor."
(Note: this was composed in my pre-digital daze.)
"And which cellar would that be?" I asked. "Our root cellar -- home to grotesque semi-comatose vegetable species not normally found in nature? Or our wine cellar -- final resting place to several vintages of home-bottled Chateau de Clear Creek wine in various shades of murky brown or gray (the contents, not the glass)?The glass is dark green to obscure the floating chunks. Or our brick-lined combination mildew farm/frog grotto -- the one with the seasonally-submerged chandelier?"
"You aren't going to start singing 'Sump-where Under The Rainbow' again, are you? That always scares the cats."
By the way, we have only one cellar, but it has served all the above-mentioned purposes over the years. I hand-dug it during my "Voluntary Simplicity" phase. (Voluntary Stupidity, perhaps?) Its sole function is as a reliable gauge for the level of the local water table. Just check the high water marks, when the light isn't burned out or submerged.
"Let's convert the cellar to a darkroom," I said.
"What's to convert?" my wife said dimly. "With the bulb burned out, it's as dark as it gets in there."
"I mean a photography darkroom. I can develop prints documenting the quaint aspects our rustic lifestyle."
"Tell me, Prints Charming, how much will this cost?"
I gave her a dollars-and-cents answer, but forgot to include the sense, ie the emotional wear-and-tear factor. She agreed, but thought it was an elaborate way to avoid changing a light bulb.
I had a new focus in life and couldn't wait to see what developed. There were things to buy and plans to make. I pictured a pleasant pastime zooming into a new career. Perhaps I could produce a slick coffee table book of poignant black-and-white photographs.
My wife reminded me of my tendency to flit from one project to next, rarely completing any of them.
"You could write an autobiography," she said. "Call it 'The Great Gadfly."
"I prefer the lens-name F-stop FitzDrummond." Literary critics are everywhere.
I did not buy a point-and-shoot, automatic-everything camera. They are fine for tourist snapshots, but not for the epic volume I had in mind. And there is something macho about owning a telephoto lens so big it needs straps and a tripod to support it.
I took a crash course in photography: shutter speeds, diaphragms, lenses, aperture settings, emulsions, chemistry, physics, light meters, enlargers, tripod etiquette, and more. And acquired an encyclopedic knowledge of cheese names, as in "say cheese," "edam and weep," etc., depending on the mood required.
Soon I was a vision in my photographer's vest, festooned with film cans, spare lenses, camera straps, pouches, filters, and more straps.
But no one told me about the Rule of Thumb. Mine is always there in the foreground of every print, out of focus, somewhere between the lens and the subject. Giving new meaning to the term camera obscura.
As my wife had predicted, F-stop FitzDrummond's darkroom soon reverted to its more primitive nature -- home to stalagmite and stalactite wannabees. (No, I do not know which is which).
And at the risk of being charged with Polonius assault, I've finally learned a lesson from Shakespeare's Hamlet, "Neither a burrower nor a lenser be."
Or for you Latin lovers, "Caveat Snaptor."
(Note: this was composed in my pre-digital daze.)
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